Sunday, November 14, 2010

on bent knees

breathe in
breathe out
calm my mind now
say those magic words
make it go away,
take me to my special place
help me remember the good ol' days
before all this pain
before I felt this strain
take me on a new path
forget about the aftermath
drag me out of the hell I’m in
they say life’s a roller coaster
so where do the ups come in?
I’m headed no where
but determined to get there first
give me life
quench my thirst
I’m becoming everything I hate
I can feel my heart accelerate
my lungs tighten
I curl up into a ball
missing everything I’ve lost
having withdrawals
cant take this way of living
your taking everything I wasn’t giving
is it my turn to rise above
or do I stay in my hole, unloved?
Everything I thought I would be
relentlessly is haunting me
give me the injection
cure my infection
make me numb
even only for a moment
make the voices stop
watch as I drop
fall to my knees
listen to me please
don’t ignore me
no one sees all these things
the hurt
the pain
the shit that I have to do just to maintain
I cant control it any longer
I wish I could be stronger
but I’m breaking down
and you all just watch as I hit the ground
all your degrading words
just play over and over
so mistreated
wish I could live again
have a new beginning
or new end
the minute I entered this place
I was a disgrace
and you wonder why I feel outta place
you cant even look me in the face
am I just another page in your lil book of fuck ups?
I look above
see everyone standing on me
expecting me to hold em up
how strong do you think I am?
you stole everything
I wish you never took
left breathless
and defenseless
everything I’m about to go through
will force me to face everything
I thought I had runaway from
but the truth is
these things are what I’ve become
now a part of me
could have just ripped out my heart
but the infection spread
so now I’m living dead
no cure for my disease
now with no one left to please
I fall to my knees
put my mind to ease
let everything I am blow away in the wind
found peace
once I let the demons in
felt it consume me
always said if you cant beat em
join em
I just couldn’t fight anymore
finally hit the floor
and heavens closed their door
this is fate
and fate ain’t pretty
but hell has never been known for having pity...

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